Reflection
by Music of the wind
Summary: Alice feels lost and doesn't really know who she is. Can Jasper and Edward help her find her true heart? Specail thanks to my Beta Mjalikat who is a truly great writer.
1. Reflection

_Look at me you may think you see who I really am; but you'll never know me. Everyday it's as if I play a part. Now I see that if I wear a mask I can fool the world; but I cannot fool my heart. Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

Alice lay on her bed in her beautiful room in the Cullen's house dry sobbing into her hands. Jasper was hunting, and her whole world felt like it was falling apart. When she wasn't alone, her face was a calm façade that was the only Alice the rest of the family knew, but deep inside, her heart was broken. Edward heard her cries and knew that something was bothering her. He knocked quietly on the door.

Alice heard Edward and snapped. "Leave me alone! What part of that don't you understand?"

Edward softly touched Alice's shoulder and said "I'm your brother, Alice; it's my job to make the pain go away. Now tell me what's wrong."

He pulled her upright and wrapped her in a hug. The two of them sat like that for a long time before Alice said, "I don't know who I am. Edward at least you know part of your human life. I don't know anything about who I used to be."

Edward sighed and said "Alice I know who you are. You are my annoying pixie vampire sister. I wouldn't trade you for anything in this or any world."

Alice sniffled and said, "Shut up, Edward! You don't know me at all. The happy pixie who loves shopping is all an act."

Edward didn't say anything, but Alice could feel his vice-like grip grow even tighter. After awhile he looked her in the eye and asked, "Do you want me to get Jasper?"

Alice gestured wildly at the mirror and wailed, "Edward I don't want him to see me like this. I stay with him because he always seems to make me into another, happier girl. I just hate the fact that I don't know who this girl is." She gave a wild gasp and collapsed in Edward's arms. They stayed like that until the sky lightened to the familiar gray of the morning.

As the new light cast shadows over Edward's face, Alice regained her composure and smiled sadly at Edward. Suddenly, they heard familiar footsteps coming up the stairs and Jasper's familiar voice chatting with Emmett.

Alice sprang to her feet and whirled around to face Edward. "I'm a mess. I can't face him like this."

"Yes, you can," Edward said firmly. He grabbed her upper arms and moved her so she was sitting on the edge of the bed again. "You will do fine." He kissed her cheek and exited the room. Alice heard him wish Jasper a good morning in the hall.

She heard her love before she saw him. "How is my beautiful pixie this fine morning?" She stifled a hysterical giggle as he swung through the door. He stopped just inside the door and stared at her for a moment before his shaky voice composed the words, "Alice, is something wrong? What's the matter, honey?"

Alice sighed and said "It's nothing Jasper. I just had a rough night. It's nothing you need to worry about."

Jasper sighed. He loved his wife, but sometimes, he tired of her cheerful mask. He just wished she could open up to him and release the pain that was buried so deep it was difficult for him to feel. "I love you so much, and it kills me to see you hurting," he said, Alice's pain mirroring itself on his face. "I need to know what is making you feel so broken."

Alice sighed and said, "What makes you think something is wrong? I'm perfectly fine."

Jasper hated it when she was like this. Did she have no confidence in his ability? "I always feel your pain, but it is definitely stronger right now. Secondly, Edward just told me that something is bothering you."

She started at this, and began to dry sob again. "When will the face I see in the mirror show everyone else who I am? Jasper, I can't take it any more. I don't know who I am and I never will."

Jasper nodded and spoke softly to her. "Alice, I love you so much. Please don't hide from me when you feel like this again. I want to mend your heart when it shatters. I can't mend it if I don't see the tear."

_I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in. Some how I will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am; why is my reflection someone I don't know? Must I pretend that I am someone else for all time?_

That night, Jasper ran into town again. Alice would have gone with him, but the black hole that had been torturing her for so loomed up and threatened to swallow her again. When Jasper came home, he found Alice curled up in a ball, dry sobbing.

"Are you alright, my pixie princess?"

Alice sniffled and said "I know I was sent to an asylum. My parents didn't love me. My visions aren't something good. They are a curse. I hate them!"

Jasper sighed and said, "Come here Alice. Your parents loved you; they just didn't understand. Carlisle and Esme love you very much too, but none of that matters because I love you for who you are.. The outside world just doesn't see in you what I see."

Alice sat up and wrapped her skinny arms around Jasper's wiry frame. After a long time she said "How long do I have to hide who I really am? Jasper, you don't know what it's like to have to give a fake name when I meet someone new. I have to hide what is inside my heart; I have to hide what I believe in. You and Edward are the only ones who know what I truly am."

Jasper gently ran his hand through Alice's hair and said "We all love you, Alice, but I know this isn't everything that's bothering you. Alice, please tell me what is wrong. Do I get to kill the person who hurt you?"

Alice giggled quietly before she let her face fall. "I want to be loved by someone because I'm me. I want someone to love this side of me no matter how depressed I get. I don't think anyone is ever capable of that amount of love. Even you, Jasper. That's why I hide my heart from everyone."

Jasper smiled reassuringly at his wife before running downstairs. Within thirty seconds, he was back, and he carried with him an ordinary glass of water. He placed it on the bedside table next to Alice and said, "Look into it and tell me what you see."

Alice stared into the glass for a long time before answering. "I see a short crazy girl with messy black hair who sees things that aren't there."

An extremely exasperated look spread over Jasper's face. "That's not what I see. I see a beautiful happy girl who has a heart of gold. You know what else; I love this girl very much."

Alice avoided Jaspers gaze as she stood up. "That's allthe mask," she cried. "I can't keep living a lie."

Jasper took Alice's hand gently and said "Alice, you are that girl. She is a small part of you that you are afraid to let out. You've just been hurt too much to truly believe that you can really be happy. I love you, Alice, because you are strong, beautiful, brave and most of all because you are the least selfish person I've ever met."

_There's a heart that must be free to fly. It burns with a need to know the reasons why. Why must we all conceal what we think and how we feel? Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? I won't pretend I'm someone else for all time. When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

Alice was still sobbing, but it was for a different reason this time. She smiled at Jasper. "Thank you for setting my heart free, at least for you. I love you Jasper."

"Alice please don't cry anymore."

Alice sighed and asked "Will I ever be able to stop hiding who I really am? I don't like covering my heart with thick walls that no one but you can ever break. When will I be able to show who I am to the rest of my family?"

Jasper lightly kissed Alice's lips and said "I don't know, Darlin', but I do know that whenever you are ready, the rest of the family will embrace the new Alice with as much enthusiasm as they welcomed us before."

Alice smiled to herself and looked at the glass of water. For the first time since she could remember, she looked at her reflection and saw her true self.


	2. The call

**A/N – This song is called The Call and it is by Regina Spektor. It is an awesome song and I highly suggest you listen to it while reading this chapter. Thank you very much to my beta, MJAlikat for her awesome work! I also do not own Twilight. **

_**The Call**_

_It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope. Then it became a quiet thought then it turned into a quiet word. Then that word grew louder and louder until it was a battle cry. I'll come back when you call me no need to say goodbye._

Alice was worried about Jasper. For the last few days, she had been getting strange visions of Jasper alone in a place she didn't recognize. Frankly, it worried her, and she decided to confront him about it. She didn't like not being able to talk to him, she just had to wait for the perfect time.

The perfect time came while they were hunting. Both had drunk their fill, and were content to bask in each other's love. They were lying beside a huge cliff set deep in the Olympic Range. Alice turned her head to Jasper and commented, "You seem a little distracted lately. Are you okay?" She would wait to mention her visions. No need to concern him yet.

To her immense surprise, he sat up, discontentedly pulling leaves from his hair. He turned around to face her. She waited expectantly.

"I'm so sorry, Alice, but I should have told you earlier," he began, and Alice felt her brow wrinkle in confusion. "I have been thinking lately, and the reason I feel so immensely guilty is because Maria is still out there hurting humans. When I decided to leave, I should have tried to stop her first. It is too late for the lives she has already ruined, but the least I can do is to stop her now."

Alice felt like she was drowning. It took her several seconds to gasp out a response. "Then I will help you. Just give me a few hours to pack and we can be off tonight. Do you…" Jasper silenced her by placing a finger over her lips.

"You aren't coming with me." Alice frowned and opened her mouth, but Jasper shook his head. "You don't know what it is like to fight Maria. I do. I won't let you come because you might be hurt."

"And what if you get hurt?" Alice was on her feet now, glowering at Jasper. "It will be all my fault and I wouldn't have done anything to help."

"Relax, Alice." Jasper touched her arm and Alice shivered at his touch. But she calmed down and Jasper wrapped his arms around her. "I won't go right away, sweet," he whispered in her ear. "We can talk about this later. For now, let's just be together." She turned to him, and he smiled her favourite mocking grin. She smiled in response and leaned her head against his chest.

"Tomorrow, then."

oooOOOooo

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Jazz?"

"Of course, Ali. You should go. Besides, even Bella's excited about this trip. You can't miss this once-in-a-century experience."

Alice giggled gleefully. "Of course not. In that case, I will see you when we get back from Paris tomorrow." He smiled and kissed her goodbye. Across the room, Bella was also kissing Edward and Nessie goodbye and Rose was already waiting for them in Alice's Porsche.

She kissed him back and whispered, "Be safe."

oooOOOooo

The rest of the family was hunting, but Jasper reasoned that he had just fed. Instead, in the dead of night, he touched a picture of his wife gently and whispered softly, "I am so sorry, Alice. I love you so much." Turning to the note he left for the rest of his family, he added a post-script for her telling her to look under his pillow. She wouldn't follow him. Edward would make sure of that."

That night, in Paris, Alice was scared. She had just gotten another vision, but she knew that he wouldn't' leave without saying goodbye, so she convinced herself she was just being paranoid. After all, Bella needed her to be here right now. If she had it her way, she wouldn't set foot in a single mall. It was up to Alice to make sure she came home with a new wardrobe.

As she showed a new, bright green dress to Bella, she let one last thought about him trail through her brain. _I hope he's okay_…

oooOOOooo

It was a black day in the Cullen household. When Edward had found the note, he had called the girls right away and they had rushed home. Right now, Alice was sobbing in Bella and Esme's arms and Carlisle, Emmett, and Edward were talking in low voices.

"What if he needs help…"

"But the note said…"

"I think we should respect Jasper's wishes and let him be." Carlisle's voice rang out as he finally came to a decision. Alice opened her mouth to protest, but he shushed her. "Jasper will call for help if he needs it and he wouldn't have asked us to let him be without good reason. I am sorry Alice."

Alice shoved Bella off her and dashed to her room. Dry sobbing, she threw herself on the bed and hugged Jasper's pillow to her. It still smelled like him.

Frowning, she realized that instead of material under her hands, there was paper. Curiously, she drew out the folded note with her name in Jasper's handwriting on the front. Cautiously, she opened it.

**Dear Alice,**

**I am sorry for leaving you without a proper goodbye. It is cowardly of me, but I have to do this and I can't have you following me. This is not goodbye because as soon as you call me, I will come home. **

**Please do not worry about me. I love you so much, my little pixie,**

**Jazzy**

Alice sobbed harder and leaned into Jasper's strong arms. Edward came upstairs and said "Alice what's wrong? You told her didn't you? Alice you know that Jasper is very strong. Nothing can hurt him. He'll come home and we'll have lots of stories to tell him. I promise Alice. Jasper will come home and he'll be safe."

Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice and said "Edward's right honey. I'm not saying goodbye. Do you know why?"

Alice sniffled and pulled away. Then she snapped bitterly "I hate you Jasper! You always let me down! I hate you!"

Jasper sighed and said "Honey; I'll come back when you call me. I love you so much my little pixie."

An hour later Alice saw a letter on her nightstand; she opened it and read "**Alice, **

**I know things are changing fast. However you have to remember that just because I'm going away doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you so much it makes me sick sometimes. I don't need to be able to read emotions to know you feel the same. I'm going to miss you. I know that you and the rest of the family are my friends. That fact alone will give me strength. I need you to be my north star. This way whenever I feel helpless I can look at the stars and know that I have you waiting for me. Edward is right you know; while I'm away I'd like to receive a letter. Remember that I love you honey and keep your head high. **

**Love always,**

**Jasper."**

She was whimpering as she folded up the note. "I love you too, Jazz," she whispered as she carefully tucked the note into her a photo album where it would stay until her Jasper returned.

_Just because everything is changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war. Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light. You'll come back when it's over. There is no need to say goodbye._

A few months had passed and Alice had heard nothing from Jasper. It frightened her that Jasper never answered his phone and he hadn't responded to her letters. Although they tried not to show it, it was clear that the rest of the family had all but given up. One day as they were out in the garage, Rosalie sighed and said "Alice it's been five months since he left and we haven't heard a word. I think it's time to give up."

Alice sighed and shook her head. "No don't talk like that. I'm sure that Jasper is fine. He has to be fine." Bella looked at her and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

A few weeks later, Carlisle called a family meeting.

"I just received a call from Peter and Charlotte. Jasper contacted them on his way down to Mexico. They decided to go against Maria together. There was a big battle last week. Peter and Charlotte got out okay, but they lost track of Jasper. No one knows where he is."

Alice collapsed into Bella's arms dry-sobbing. The whole family was shocked until Emmett spoke up.

"When do we hold the funeral?" Just then, Alice came to life with a fury.

"No, No, NO!" she screamed. "He is not dead, I don't believe it." Carlisle looked at Bella imploringly and she quietly but firmly steered Alice into the other room.

"Alice," she said softly. "Vampires don't just go missing and they definitely can't get amnesia, and Jasper loves you too much to leave you. What other option is there?"

"He isn't dead. I know it."

"How can you be sure?" Bella wanted so desperately to believe her. Jasper was her most sympathetic older brother and Alice was her best friend, but there was no proof.

"I don't know," Alice looked imploringly at Bella and then shrugged. "I would know if he was gone. I guess it's just a feeling I have."

_Now we're back the beginning. It's just a feeling and no one knows yet. Just because they can't feel it to doesn't mean that we have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger until they're before your eyes. You'll come back when they call you. There's no need to say goodbye._

A year later, the Cullens were sitting in the living room trying to play Monopoly. Emmett and Edward, being the competitive ones, owned nearly all the board between them, but the rest of them weren't focused on the game. Since Carlisle had received the dreaded phone call, Alice could barely do anything anymore without breaking down. In fact, even though she tried to ignore it, she couldn't help but begin to lose faith that Jasper would really come home.

The dead silence of the room was momentarily broken by the ringing of Edward's cell phone. He answered it, and then his face broke into a wide grin. The rest of the Cullen's looked at him curiously as he swiveled in his seat and handed the phone to Alice. Wordlessly, she put it to her ear.

All she heard was, "Baby, I'm coming home."

**A/N – Please read and review if you love the story, hate the story, or just want to share your favourite romantic memory! Until next time…**


End file.
